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You may not be surprised, dear reader, to know that in the gap between this and the most recent update to the blog I have been writing. If this is not a surprise to you, you'll certainly neither be surprised to hear that I have been writing, and that finishing a piece is still the hardest part of the process for me. Fortunately, an idea occurred as I was lying down this evening; one of those which I felt I needed to get down before it escaped my grasp. I quite like how it's turned out, but I'll still be compelled to obsess over its minutiae, so don't be surprised if the piece has changed (possibly beyond recognition) between you reading it here and me performing it. Either way I like how it stands enough that I thought it worth sharing:
On Friendship & Distance
People are a great source of my fear.
It's not so much the people on the street,
It's possibly privilege, but I've yet to meet
The confrontation which can't be ended
By saying "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know"
Or upping the pace, leaving here, and heading for home.
It's that people matter. Humans are great.
This may be a point that you may've already heard me make,
But either way, it's true.
The people you know can always see through you.
They can cut you if you're not careful.
Beware full disclosure at the first meeting.
First impressions are fleeting,
but friendship takes time to be earned.
So, I worry, "Will this be the time that they learn
That I'm not good enough?"
It's tough to always be on high alert
Against one's perception of one's own inconsistencies.
That's nothing to the mystery of why they've stayed.
We've played with ideas in jest
For too long for this to be anything but the best sort of friendship,
But I worry, at what point would you end this?
Which text would be the one that I miss
Which makes you say,
"Man, fucking fuck this shit".
So I wonder,
Was that it?
Has my fear of cocking up social interaction
Finally come across as a motion to abandon
The game which we both had a nearly winning hand in?
Is this the bit where we go our separate ways?
Is this the end of those days in which I update you
Out of the blue,
And ask, with genuine interest, "What are you up to?"
I don't know where the line is,
but what I'm increasingly finding is
No matter how much the time is since our last meeting in-or-decreases,
I miss you, man,
And I wish you were here to hear me read this.
One hopes you're well,
yrs,
ADWoodward
